Consent is all around us. It is a part of our everyday life. It’s just that we don’t call it “consent”.

When our children ask to borrow each other’s pencils in the classroom, they don’t respond with, “Yes I consent for you to use those items,” or when a child asks another to play, you will rarely hear them respond with “Yes, I consent to playing with you”. It is not a common way that we would talk to one another, and some might go as far to say that it is weird... but what if it wasn’t? What if using this language was more common? Would our children have a deeper understanding of what consent means? Would they grow up to be teenagers and adults with a clear grasp on what consent is, and what it means for each person involved?

By introducing clear language about consent from an early age, the boundaries become far more distinct, and better prepare them when it comes time to navigating consent in more intimate contexts.

Consent is something adults teach children almost every day, sometimes without even realising it.

Think about the times when you break up the kids’ wrestling match when one of the kids is no longer having fun. Or requesting your child to give ‘Aunt Betty’ a kiss goodbye when they are protesting against it. These are both early examples of consent, and using these moments to teach your children to look for those clues of when to stop, or when they have the right to say no, can instill invaluable lessons about consent. When we allow our children these early opportunities to practice giving and receiving consent, they begin to understand their right to choose what they want, how they would like to be treated, and their right to say no.

At the same time, they also learn to listen, acknowledge, and accept, the other person’s decision. Understanding that when someone responds with “no”, “I don’t know”, “maybe”, or does not respond at all, it means they have not said yes. Educating our kids early, that only yes means yes – better prepares them for their adolescent years, when sexual consent may be on the horizon.

Using language around consent into our everyday lives does not have to be a difficult task if we look for these teachable moments. The sibling wrestle is one example, but there are many more. Adults are often asked to give their consent to use their children’s images on school websites. When these notes come, it is the perfect opportunity to discuss what this means with your child and why being asked to give consent is important.

Ensuring that your child understands they have the right to say yes or no, and that the school, or whomever it is, must abide by their choice. It sends a very clear message about the importance of consent, and how as adults, it is our responsibility to model this.

As children grow and develop, so should their education about consent. Just as adults alter their communication style to suit the age of the child they are talking to, the topics they’re discussing, and the depth of conversations, also need to be modified. Parents and carers will often educate their children on how to behave socially - asking for children to respond with please when asking for things and thank you when they receive them. This common and respectful exchange sets the tone for how your children will speak to each other when they ask for, or receive something from another person.

Building these traits into our kids’ relationships helps them to think about and understand the way they want to be considered. Children will continue to develop their understanding of these concepts when they ask their friends if they would like a hug, or if they want to hold hands. Encouraging your child to ask, and to respect, the response they get, will go a long way in helping them understand and engage with consent.

Teaching our kids early on that consent is an everyday part of life, gives them a basic understanding of boundaries, their right to choose, and the confidence to speak up. Applying these same values to conversations about sexual consent is a valuable lesson in our children’s lives, and will help them form respectful, thoughtful, and considerate relationships in the future.